growing pains

not that long ago i was feeling extremely optimistic. i was incredibly aware of all the blessings that God has given me. i felt extremely content with where i am at in life & the people that are there with me. i had complete faith that everything that was inexplicable incomplete would be completed in time with the Lord's guidance.

and now i'm frustrated. i have lost sight of the amazing family and friends that bless me daily. i resent my job, even though there are so many people without one right now. i am envious of people my age who i feel have accomplished more than i have & moved on to new chapters in life, leaving me behind.

and now i am taking it upon myself to set my thoughts & priorities straight. i am blessed beyond belief. the Lord does have a plan for me and although patience has never been a strength of mine, everything will happen in its own time. i'm convinced that optimism and hopefulness can be forced :-)

SNOW DAY!!!

Yay for freezing rain! Ha, snow day--from work :-) I'm pretty excited to be home, even if it is just because my slacker boss didn't want to be in the office herself. Excited to not deal with traffic tonight. But scraping my windows tomorrow will not be enjoyable. Either way, I feel extremely content being productive while sitting on my couch, in my pajamas, drinking vanilla biscotti coffee, and listening to The Fray's newest cd.

Today is a good day. This week is a good week. No real reason. I started a new Jodi Picoult book last night that I'm pretty excited about, planning to rent "Rachel Getting Married" tonight and looking at apartments for this fall. Looking at apartments, though hardwork, is always fun! Fun to imagine life somewhere new, although I am extremely comfortable right where I am.

I want a puppy. Just like I wanted a blackberry, a laptop, a Northface, a Coach purse. I now have all of those things and my life has not become any more exciting.

Damnit I just ruined my nailpolish.

Anyway, a puppy really would make life more exciting! More difficult, mind you. But exciting. However, I always saw myself with a boyfriend who would buy the puppy for me. Ha, and then take care of it as well. Not in that position yet, so it probably wouldn't be as great as I imagine it. Maybe I'll work at the animal shelter this summer instead.

I want to be a writer. Really.

I'm pretty sure that if I could be anything (within reason) I would choose to be a writer. Writers are smart, and creative, and relational. They are experts. On something. A given topic, or writing style, or at understanding the world around them. They are atypical and attentive, noticing microscopic details that are ignored by everyone else. They see meaning where others see nothing, and experience love and sorrow time and time again, at a depth that most won't ever. They are free. Free to think what they want, where they want, when they want. Free to feel. Free to act and react. Free to be.

I dream of being a wedding coordinator in Las Vegas.

Okay, so maybe that's not what I DREAM of becoming. Maybe I just want to live the life of a wedding coordinator in Las Vegas. OR maybe I want to be free to move through all 50 states in a given year, working an odd job representative of the culture while there. Ha, and no, I am not near adventurous enough to come up with this idea on my own.

Give credit where credit is due. In this case all the glory, or disapproving glances, can be directed to Daniel Seddiqui. At a time when some people are having trouble finding one job, Daniel Seddiqui is lining up 50 — one in every state (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29391533/).

I just read about Daniel for the first time today. What an awesome and crazy existence. Granted this experience will only last a year but it will impact who he is for the rest of his life. I'm not creative, flexible, and I don't like to live in chaos so this would not be the life for me. But I do desire the freedom that it brings.

Many wouldn't make the connection between Daniel's chosen lifestyle and the faith that it requires. I'm reading "The Shack" by William Paul Young. As I try to decide what I should do next in my life, I'm reminded by this book to take a step of faith. To stop trying to decide what is right for me, but leave everything to God.

I want to experience excitement in my life. So I try to plan exciting things. True excitement is putting your life whole-heartedly in the hands of a God who loves you. God's will for your life is to experience true joy (mixed with some heartache), but most importantly honest love and compassion.

"You must give up the right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. That is a hard pill to swallow; choosing to only live in me. To do that you must know me enough to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness (pg. 136)."