His grace is new everyday

The last seven months have been a true test. I have felt myself lose hope...trickling out of me slowly, but surely. My fiance, Chris, and I moved to New York at the beginning of this year (as my earlier post had alluded to) and, in short, it has not been an easy transition. I've struggled with missing friends and family, maintaining excitement over our impending wedding (the marriage is exciting to me, not the idea of having to host 150 people at a reception), feeling disappointment in my career, and impatience toward...well, everything.

BUT, the good news is, I think I've finally snapped out of it! I spent some time yesterday reading blog posts on motivation, inspiration and passion. One of the posts suggested that I ask myself these three questions:

1. If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would... 
2. If I knew that my parents would never find out, I'd...
3. If I could be sure that I'd do it right [and be successful], I would...

So I did. If I truly didn't care what anyone thought, I would cancel our wedding (even though we sent out our save the dates two weeks ago!). If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd quit my job. Immediately. If I could be sure that I would do it right, I would pursue a career in writing and editing. 

I'm sure you're wondering right now if my mom back in Minnesota is calling all of our relatives to let them know that the wedding is off. She's not. And I'm not either. The wedding is still on. I'm not really sure what the author's intended the outcome to be for readers, but I know that for me it gave me an opportunity to put my thoughts on paper. And to remind myself that these are selfish desires. And to see that my career aspirations are consistent with what they were years ago, and that maybe that means something. I won't be quitting my job anytime soon, but the realization that I have a passion for writing gives me something to look forward to, to aspire to, to hope for. I had needed this!

And as for the wedding, I love my fiance. I cannot wait to be his wife. And I know that we will look back on our wedding day with fond memories for the rest of our lives. I am not going to let my anxieties about the day ruin it for my fiance, friends and family. Sure, I will be taking a big step outside of my comfort zone on December 21st, 2012. But in the end, it will all be worth it because I'll be married to the most wonderful man that I've ever met. 

Dear Lord, I pray that when I'm faced with life's disappointments, you will help me to focus on You. That I will be reminded of Your grace and find hope in Your promises.